Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
