Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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