We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
