Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
