I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
