remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She needs sedatives and a leash
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
