This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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