weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you would pick up someone in the library
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
