he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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