How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
