I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
