A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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