take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
