If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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