he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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