You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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