so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
