I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im part way to drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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