And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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