Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
