Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
