Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
