I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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