Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
