Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
