just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
