Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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