Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
