I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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