fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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