I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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