You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
