ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
