Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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