ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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