yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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