I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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