Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
