I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
