im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
