I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
