Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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