It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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