After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
