I am puke
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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