Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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