So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
