Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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