All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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