New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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