Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
