it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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