if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
only you would photoshop your dick
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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