So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
