I just made out with a guy for $7.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
