Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
