I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize