Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
