Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
