Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
