I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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