I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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