Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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