Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
