you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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