Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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