...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize