Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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