There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
