my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
