Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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