even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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