i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
