Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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