ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish there were birth control emojis
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
